Madam Carmen: Dominatrix and Kink Educator Explains The Rules of the BDSM Game
Who is Madam Carmen? And what does she do? Find out why she’s in charge and how you can use her advice to make your sex life better!
What is a Pro Dominatrix?
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a dominatrix is defined as “a woman who physically or psychologically dominates her partner in a sadomasochistic encounter.” The heavily featured references to BDSM in popular television shows like Netflix’s Bonding and music videos have piqued the interest of a new generation of the sexually curious. BDSM and kink have recently gained more traction in the mainstream world, and people are clamoring to learn more.
Professional dominatrixes have provided BDSM and fetish services that, while sexual in nature, don’t always involve sexual acts. Many pro-dommes also offer mentoring and education for new people entering the scene. One such woman, bringing over a decade of experience to making kink and BDSM sexy, safe, and inclusive, is Madam Carmen, pro-domme and founder of KinkNik Media, a production company and platform for education and entertainment themed to BIPOC BDSM-interested audiences.
Who is Madam Carmen?
Madam Carmen’s website lists her titles as “Alternative Therapist, Creator/Director/Actor/Art, BDSM Practitioner, and Adult Lifestyle Consultant.” The queer, ethically non-monogamous multi-hyphenate dynamo puts her skills to use as a professional femdom, adult content producer, and educator.
Madam Carmen describes herself as a sensual sadist who is both a pro-domme and lifestyle dominant. “I've been in the BDSM lifestyle for over 10 years, very heavily as a voyeur for the most part. I am someone who really enjoys just indulging in watching and enjoying others participate and explore their free-spirited fetishes. Over the course of my career, I have been more explorative of my dominant side.”
She emphasized being intentionally pro-Black and Indigenous culture, and her work with KinkNik Media reflects that. Overall she considers herself a “free-spirited loudmouth old Domme, who is very no-nonsense and a bit high strung,” which is just a humble reminder that she is in charge.
Recently she was featured at the Washington, D.C. iteration of the 2021 EXXXOTICA Convention in the Sexpert Educational Seminar Series. Her course “BDSM 101 – Safety Protocols & Proper Vetting” has been featured at each stop of the EXXXOTICA national tour and consistently draws a large crowd. Attendees were able to walk away with helpful tips about vetting and proper safety protocols for first-time kinksters. Honeysuckle sat down with Madam Carmen to discuss her journey as a Black professional fetishist and what she thinks is essential to know when you’re curious about kink.
Interview with Madam Carmen: Professional Femdom and Adult Content Producer
HONEYSUCKLE MAGAZINE: In your recent feature for the cover of Kink Queens Magazine, you describe yourself as a “Pegging Provocateur & Fetish Connoisseur.” What is your definition of a fetish specialist?
MADAM CARMEN: Being a pegging provocateur really speaks to my skill set and the experience that I have gained over the course of time while I've been in this lifestyle. Especially exploring my fetish in anal training, anal play – anal exploration, if you will. It's way deeper than just pegging for me, but pegging is like the icing on top of a great day.
I call myself a kink and fetish connoisseur. I have been exploring an abundant amount of the fetishes and kinks. I’ve been studying them to be able to educate and inform the masses of the myths and false information any misguidance that they have come across. I kind of wanted to have a little bit more insight into this lifestyle that I'm a part of that, where I seek not just to be a part of the lifestyle, but also establish my career within. So, it's important to me on all scales of my life.
How did you personally discover BDSM? What was it like being a newbie for you and did that influence your decision to be an educator?
Absolutely, to your last question. I stumbled upon this lifestyle. It was not something that I ever knew existed. You know if you’re a millennial you probably remember exploring Real Sex on HBO, where they showed stuff that you didn’t know was a part of a certain lifestyle or a community. But you start to explore the parts that interest you, and for me, I did it subtly by starting with voyeurism. I did some research when I was younger, but not really. I was just a bit unsure of what it really was. Diving into voyeurism for me wasn't me entering the BDSM scene. It was literally just me being who I am And I was literally walking into my truth and then finding out that it was a part of a lifestyle as well. I was like, “Well shit, I need to figure out more about this lifestyle, I think.” and it started from there.
What is your vision behind your adult content production company, KinkNik Media, and how did it get started?
It started because of the Covid pandemic, so it hasn't been that long. It feels like forever, but that's just all of the work that I put into it. It has always been a dream and an aspiration of mine to have walked down the path of being involved in adult entertainment and in the adult industry overall. Being able to actually navigate and find my tribe through a pandemic and finding so much chemistry and like-mindedness within our interactions and engagements in our exchange of energy is beautiful. It's deeper than just KinkNik Media for us. What you see is like really how we feel about each other. Yeah, we may have scripts. We may have roles. We may have titles, but at the end of it all– the action, the embrace, the exchanges–they're all real and organic. They all come from a place of love and heart, and passion. So that's what makes it so awesome and I can't wait till next year.
In terms of kink education, what services do you provide? What are some core attributes that are apparent in your training style?
In addition to the workshops, I also offer mentorship. There's also a program that you can sign up for that actually has 13 courses, including the BDSM 101 course. If you've already taken that course with me but also want to kind of expand further into exploring your dominance and establishing yourself within that, I can help navigate through that.
I never want to ever say that I'm selling something like teaching you how to be a dom. It's more so, like I said, establishing yourself within your dominance and helping you be able to navigate within this lifestyle and have control over how you do so.
What has been the most challenging aspect of your job as a Black BDSM/fetish content creator and Professional Domme?
The discrimination within these social media platforms. When they see our melanin hit their screens, they ultimately flag it and target it as something that it may or may not be. Even if it’s just me cosplaying and it’s a bit lewd. There are more non-POC cosplayers, content creators, and sex workers who receive more exposure, traffic, and engagement on these platforms than us overall, just based on the fact that their skin can pass the test on the screen. And that’s not even touching on how non-POC, vulva-owning dommes are seen as having a more expensive caliber and can charge higher rates. They're able to do that and get exactly what they want, whereas, in order for me to get there, I’ve got a little more work to do. That's why sex work is definitely work. In the same light, we are similarly viewed in any industry. Overall, the lowest part of the totem pole always has a Black vagina. So it is unfortunate, but at the end of the day, it is the reality. So that's why I stay motivated to keep continuously creating our own content, on my own platform, and in my own way.
What advice do you have for novice kinksters?
Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Negotiate literally everything. Ask questions and speak up. State what you like and don’t like, and be very adamant about it. Be very straightforward. We need that. I need more. I need more excited bottoms and subs, and even dommes and tops. People that have more enthusiasm about the passion behind this lifestyle versus the payments. It should be more about being able to have fun and enjoy navigating however you find yourself within this lifestyle. Walk in your truth with it.
I met a sub yesterday– a potential sub that I'm considering–and he literally was honest, and was like “I'm a little bit of a Little”. That's important information for me to know, those disclaimers, and being honest about who you are. Establishing who you are first is very important. In order for you to even be able to negotiate, you need to know. Establish what you need to negotiate within yourself. What do you want to do?
How can people support the work that you do?
My website and social media are the best way! It'll take you directly to my mailing list and KinkNik's mailing list until our website is completed. With the mailing list, you can get updates on our content, live events, and anything else we have going on. You can also see any merch that we're selling.
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For more information about Madam Carmen, visit madamcarmen2.com or follow @MadamCarmen2 @madamcarmen45 on Twitter and Instagram. Follow @KinkNik_ on Twitter and Instagram.