Susan Shapiro's The Forgiveness Tour: How To Find The Perfect Apology

What Is Susan Shapiro's The Forgiveness Tour: How To Find The Perfect Apology?

Award-winning author, journalist and teacher Susan Shapiro (Lighting Up, The Byline Bible, The Book Bible) tackles the timeless topics of anger, forgiveness and the value of a meaningful apology in her memoir The Forgiveness Tour: How To Find The Perfect Apology, newly out in paperback now. The catalyst for Shapiro is a falling out with her therapist/mentor of 15 years (who had helped her quit her addictions including smoking; sell her first book; and build a lasting relationship with her husband) after he treats one of her students she’d asked him not to, and he is defiantly unapologetic about the breach.

In trying to figure out what to do about her therapist and work through some of her grief and pain, the author speaks with friends and realizes that feelings of being hurt, anguished and frustration over the lack of accountability by the perpetrators are incredibly common. These conversations and her ongoing struggle to not be consumed by her agony lead her to examine the “forgiveness industry” to try to understand if anger can be beneficial, whether forgiveness is always needed, what makes for a satisfying apology and how one might get it.

*Editor's Note: Learn more about Susan Shapiro and The Forgiveness Tour by checking out our interview here.

Susan Shapiro, courtesy of susanshapiro.net

How Does Susan Shapiro Conduct The Forgiveness Tour In Her Book?

Through this quest, Shapiro talks to her religious figures, students and colleagues, including Manny, a Holocaust survivor; Kenan, a Bosnian War refugee; Cindy, abandoned by her husband while pregnant; and Gary, who lost his wife and children to a drunk driver. All of them endured incredible distress and trauma and each had unique responses to it.

What Lessons Does Susan Shapiro Learn In The Forgiveness Tour?

Shapiro comes to appreciate that forgiveness shouldn’t always be given and that rage can be a useful tool. She’s surprised to learn that an acknowledgment of “wrong doing” – for some that’s a sincere delivery of those two simple words, for others it’s money or reparations – carries significant weight. It’s so powerful that taking ownership for what was done can mean the difference between the receiver being trapped in the past, in a perpetual loop, and finding some peace or even thriving.

As Manny puts it, people need to know that they can “lessen the pain or remove it pebble by pebble” and that they “have choices.” Shapiro’s thoughtful and insightful exploration is illuminating, informative and also healing. Hopefully it can help broker repaired relations during this very fractious and fractured moment in which we find ourselves.

THE FORGIVENESS TOUR: HOW TO FIND THE PERFECT APOLOGY is now available from Skyhorse Publishing; click here to order. To learn more about Susan Shapiro, visit susanshapiro.net or follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.