Your Pride Your Fall

You took my money while I was sleeping

It was all gone with the sun

I called but you ignored me left me punching my pillow my heart filled with rage caged by injustice that could not find wordsI heard you laughing from the other side of town lying in his bed such a fool to hope that you would change.

Now I stand here empty handed black hearted viscous plans dancing in my head

Tied to bed posts spiders crawling over your breasts a web over your face your evil smile erased sheets soaked in kerosene

I tip the candle over walk out the room headphones on Brahms cello concerto no. 1 vibrato growl fighting the orchestra

I love Brahms

I loved you

Go fuck yourself and your friends too

All the people that inhabit your petty world see what they can do for you now probably happier than me to be rid of you

And our kids

One day they will understand the gift I am giving them

You thought nothing to embarrass me to disgrace me to defile me and smile you cunt to watch me grovel for your approval for your love rope around my neck my head at your feet shit on your boot toe kicking me in the teeth watching my gums bleed folding me into your suitcase shoving me back up into the top of your closetSmoke spreads through each room in the houseI walk out the front door down the tree lined driveway to the street below look out over San Francisco morning sun rising over the bay an orange band aid stretched across the water a deep cut reaching to the bottom stretching underneath the Oakland bridgeStops at AlcatrazSirens blare fills the air angry birds racing up the steep hillI step back into the bushesLet them drive byI want to cry for joy at the clean blackboard that is the future now at the empty space in my heart that I will find someone else to fill and kill all of the sadness that has never left my side

Emile Westergaard is a writer and musician living in Lefferts Garden Brooklyn.