Your Pride Your Fall

You took my money while I was sleeping
It was all gone with the sun
I called but you ignored me
left me punching my pillow
my heart filled with rage
caged by injustice that could not find words

I heard you laughing from the other side of town
lying in his bed
such a fool to hope that you would change
Now I stand here empty handed
black hearted
viscous plans dancing in my head

Tied to bed posts
spiders crawling over your breasts
a web over your face
your evil smile erased
sheets soaked in kerosene
I tip the candle over
walk out the room
headphones on
Brahms cello concerto no. 1
vibrato growl fighting the orchestra

I love Brahms
I loved you
Go fuck yourself
and your friends too
All the people that inhabit your petty world
see what they can do for you now
probably happier than me to be rid of you

And our kids
One day they will understand
the gift I am giving them
You thought nothing to embarrass me
to disgrace me
to defile me
and smile
you cunt
to watch me grovel for your approval
for your love
rope around my neck
my head at your feet
shit on your boot toe
kicking me in the teeth
watching my gums bleed
folding me into your suitcase
shoving me back up into the top of your closet

Smoke spreads
through each room in the house
I walk out the front door
down the tree lined driveway
to the street below
look out over San Francisco
morning sun rising over the bay
an orange band aid stretched across the water
a deep cut reaching to the bottom
stretching underneath the Oakland bridge
Stops at Alcatraz

Sirens blare fills the air
angry birds
racing up the steep hill
I step back into the bushes
Let them drive by
I want to cry for joy
at the clean blackboard
that is the future now
at the empty space in my heart
that I will find someone else to fill
and kill all of the sadness
that has never left my side