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“I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.” All the Things Meatloaf Wouldn’t do for Love

By Kristin Manna

We all know Meatloaf would do anything for love, but there are a few things he wouldn’t do… 

He won’t try on a jacket outside the dressing room 

He won’t watch your Instagram stories 

He won’t go on a low-carb diet 

He won’t have sex unless the air conditioner is on 

He won’t drink Oat Milk 

He won’t go apple picking 

He won’t wait for you to finishing watching The Good Place 

He won’t substitute cauliflower for rice 

He won’t use that expensive Kiehl’s lotion for his dry elbows 

He won’t ever know when an avocado is ripe 

He won’t ever run to catch the train 

He won’t go on a double date with you and your crystal-loving sister 

He won’t explain why he owns strip lights

He won’t ever just dry off in the shower 

He won’t introduce you as his girlfriend 

He won’t wear that weird sweater your mom got him for his birthday 

He won’t let you meet his college friend Steve 

He won’t set your photo as the background on his phone

He won’t EVER take a paint and draw class 

He won’t go a whole day without playing Fortnite 

He won’t listen to a podcast while driving 

He won’t ever send you a selfie, no matter how many times you ask 

He won’t love anyone has much as he loves you 


You can follow Kristin on Instagram @KristinEManna

Tags: Love, satire, culture