I’ve recently had an ex-beau come into my life. According to some psychics, we had a ‘past life’ together. This relationship has both interfered with and kind of enhanced my personal relationships and growth. Not sure what to do as there still seems to be a chord. Yet I’ve been told it’s also kind of dysfunctional, or at least was in the past.
Confused and in Love
Dear Confused and in Love,
You say you’ve been told that this relationship is dysfunctional, but I wonder how functional you think it is now. It’s clear to me from your tone that you have mixed feelings about this person. However, you also signed your letter “in love,” and love isn’t always logical. Synastry (the astrology of relationships) shows me that you and your ex-beau are drawn to one another, in particular for your mutual spiritual, philosophical, and/or artistic interests. This is the kind of person who inspires you, and the beginning or renewal of the relationship always feels exciting. You also feel connected because you recognize each other’s wounds. You have some shared pain that bonds you, and the potential to help each other heal if you choose to, but by the same token you also know just where to hurt each other.
There is no automatically bad synastry, just like there are no automatically bad charts. We always have choices about how we use our energy and meet our challenges, and the same goes for relationships, so you can date anyone of any sign with any chart. Every relationship has its outright blessings and its learning curves; sometimes they’re the same thing. You have a romantic attraction with this person. Sometimes the rose-colored romantic fantasy and the sparks of attraction lead you to ignore some jagged little pieces of reality, yes? The attraction is definitely there, but it’s not necessarily sustained for long periods of time. It’s like a bolt of lightning hits you, and then it’s gone. He may have a recurring presence in your life, but not a steady one.
You and your ex-beau could be serious if you’re both evolved enough to let go of the past, accept each other as you really are, and communicate with mutual respect. You have a basis for stability as long as both of you can maintain that level of maturity. But if you’re not on the same level, the same things that attracted you to each other will begin to irritate you. You both want to be “the boss” of the relationship. The dysfunction that others refer to likely comes from your relationship to authority. Healthy romantic relationships don’t have authority figures; they are balanced by two equally respected individuals. So, the question is, how well do you think you and ex-beau can balance each other? Can you sustain the romance with an undercurrent of goodwill and friendship, or will it explode and fizzle out again? Try to assess how much you’ve both changed since the last time you were together. It could be worth the risk, but if not, consider that you will strike other chords with other people. Just because the attraction is strong does not mean you’re meant to commit to each other.
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